episode nine

“everything will be okay in the end.  if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

this particular quote is one with so much meaning to me it’s hard to describe.  a dear work friend of mine gave me a quotable magnet that has these words on it.  there it sits on my refrigerator, a white square with black text and a few scuffs and marks from being passed down.  the story behind this magnet is important.  someone gave it to my friend in a time of heartache as someone had done before her.  i am the fourth person to have this magnet passed down now.  when my friend gave it to me, she included a 5 x 7 print of a photograph i had taken at her engagement shoot with her amazing fiancé (now husband and baby daddy), last summer. it’s a photo of their hands making a heart.  this photo and their love for each other…is something that really does make me feel like it’ll all be okay.  this gift she gave me, that indeed made us both cry, is a daily reminder to me that i am okay and that it will be okay. if not today…eventually.

as i continue to endure these crazy beautiful years we call “our twenties” i realize more with each passing day that although i am an individual, i am stitched together with the thread of all the people who have come into my life…and left it. it still surprises me in random contemplative moments all that has transpired in my life in these past 8 months and that relatively speaking…despite having the wind knocked out of me a few times…i’m okay (mostly).  have you ever given yourself the time to look back and track where you were this time last year and who you were surrounding yourself with, what you were doing, how you felt, who you were?  i’m still very much the same person, but different…and somehow, i’m stronger.  which trust me, won’t surprise any of you more than it has me.  things in life happen that test you in infinite ways and mostly test your patience and ability to move forward or stay behind.  somehow…i chose to move forward when the obstacles i faced at the end of 2012 wanted me to stay put or tread backwards. as we all know, and as i have written before, life is short.  why would any of us want to waste time with someone who doesn’t make us a priority or in doing something we aren’t passionate about or that lacks the fuel to credit our core?  really.  WHY?! the answer to the why question, i’ve found, is that we settle.  it’s because we accept the things we THINK we deserve.  the love, passion, success, dreams, etc. that we only think we are worthy of.  how ridiculous is that?!  here’s what i know…we are born.  we are born as perfectly flawless, unharmed beings, but once we take that first breath of air we are already jaded.  and it just gets more and more intense with every breath we take.  because life creeps in…and it always takes that innocence away.  the beauty of being jaded throughout the stages of our lives…of hardships and heartache…feeling broken and bruised…collecting baggage that we carry with us through every chapter we write and every place we travel…is that you get to take a deep wearied breath and realize that despite all that’s happened to you…you’re still here.  and damn.  you’ve survived break ups, knock outs, tragedies, devastation, overwhelming accomplishments, happiness and everything in between and you’re still here!  if you’re reading this and any of it applies to you, please…do us both a favor and give yourself a f*cking high five because you are a bad ass survivor of this crazy amazing life and you deserve some f*cking credit.  you are awesome.

guess what?! all that baggage you are holding onto…you’re not the only one.  there are over 7 billion people on this planet and they are all walking around right now with their life baggage.  so if you ever feel alone…in your pain…in your happiness…in your accomplishments or growth.  don’t.  just stop it!  you’re not alone.  (insert another high five here please).  life is a series of choices…good ones and bad ones and boy do we alllll make those.  for instance, in the world of dating…especially when one is working to embrace their singledom and enjoy all their wonderful alone time, the art of choice becomes this incredible power…seriously.  i urge you to accept it for what it is and rock and roll with it.  it’s like mission impossible…should you choose to accept it, you will learn some of the following: 1. this guy is a class A douche bag…best to call NEEEXT and carry on my wayward son. 2. whoa.  good guys still exist.  who knew?!  there’s that breath of fresh air again (don’t worry, you’re still jaded), but damn it feels good to know the good guys are still out there…somewhere. 3. what’s that? oh he’s crazy?  best to let him fly back over his cuckoo’s nest, pack your bags and just keep swimming.  it worked for nemo…it’ll work for you. 4. what guy? i’m in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom!  i think it’s getting serious (and this kind of commitment doesn’t even freak you out!) 5. friends.  with or without benefits.  at least you gained a new friend.  someone who is cool and can connect with you on a level that someone else in your life can’t. the person who fills a space that was empty before.  these types are worth hanging onto…at least until time decides you can’t any more.  any of these sounding familiar?  i have encountered all of them at some point throughout my 27 years of being single and taken  (x 4)…and single again…and i’m sure i’ll collect a few more in my adventures to come.  the best part…even if some of them add to your baggage…you can carry them with you…decorating and embellishing upon them as you go to make it all look a little prettier…or you can purge them like a bad night of tequila shots. regardless.  you made some choices!  look at you being a bad ass again!  damn you’re good.   if you make a wrong turn and it’s not okay…there’s about 7 billion choices you could make there too…and it’s not the end.  choose wisely or choose impulsively…just know that you’re a survivor and life is for living!

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