episode twelve

“don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first…”

are any of you avid sex and the city fans?  as much as it pains me to admit this (kind of)…since my wonderful mother purchased the complete boxed set for me this past christmas, i have watched all 6 seasons and both movies approximately 6.37 times.  you know?  when i have those frequent nights in where my oversized eastern eagle sweatpants (KAW!), my bed and a bottle of wine (or jack) are more appealing than getting all dolled up for yet another evening of awkward dating, trying to be funny and charming and all the things you think you’re supposed to be…all the while the ONLY thing you’re enjoying…at least in my case, is the adult beverage you’re sucking down (i’ll have another please!)  so when you find a television series that you can relate to, embrace it my friends.  just commit to it.  i relate most to carrie.  the hopeless romantic who is trying to find herself amongst all the crazy in the world…the one who believes in real love, but can’t seem to hang onto it for very long, but who gets a little bit wiser and stronger with every break up.

we’ve all heard the saying that you can’t be happy with someone else until you’re happy with yourself. i absolutely believe this to be true, however, it would seem that many of us forget about this concept periodically.  i have found that with the pressures society puts on us to continue striving for the “american dream” (what is that anymore, i mean really?) that we’ve all lost ourselves in the shuffle.  we start to “just do it” (thanks for that one nike) because it’s what we think we’re supposed to do.   we get caught up in the “i thought i’d have this or be doing that by the time i was this age” crap and lose ourselves.  when i was 16 and had my first boyfriend and thought i was in love, i figured (so did several of my friends) that i would be married right out of college and have 2.34 babies, live in the house with the picket fence complete with red door and awesome tree for the tire swing and a well aged golden retriever perched on the stoop, all by the time i was 30.  WHAAAT?!  i can’t even imagine if that was my life.  thinking about turning 30 in 3 years makes me laugh out loud at the thought of having ANY of the above mentioned things.  the only thing i might actually have by the time i reach the more ripe age of 30, is a spare tire to make a swing out of if i ever take that long awaited field trip to the junk yard and possibly a dog.  in my current reality, the ONLY thing i really thought i would have done by now is travel.  minor setbacks, life happens…blahdebludeblahblah…you know the drill.  the point is, i’m going for it now and that is what counts.

when the path you thought you’d be on by now hasn’t worked out…look at it like this: life has handed you a slate…it handed you a damn chance…to either erase the chalk of your wants and needs past and start clean or to keep adding to the drawing board and continue on your current path. you get to choose and it doesn’t need to depend on the 16 year old version of you, the 30 year old version of your mother  or the 27 year old version of any of the other women your age.  YOU get to decide what you’re doing.  whether that’s getting married, starting a business, making some babies or living out of  a backpack for a year…this is your life.  do you love it?  do you love yourself?  if you’ve lost the “yes” to either of those questions in the hectic day to day madness we endure, i urge you to find the yes again.  because here’s the thing…that relationship you want just won’t happen until you’re good with being on your own darling.  that dream job you hunger for isn’t going to find you, you have to go kick that unemployment rate in the ass and demand your worth.  to channel my inner carrie bradshaw, i can’t help but wonder, why wouldn’t you love yourself first?  i mean seriously. have you met you lately?! you are f*cking cool! you’re incredibly hilarious and charming and an all around kick ass person to spend time with!  just ask your friends or that boy you’ve been shamelessly flirting with, they’ll tell you.  occasionally, in the middle of an ordinary life, you realize that you really kind of like yourself.  like really enjoy spending time alone and hanging out with yourself because damn you’re fun!  you can take my word for it…or don’t.  whatever. regardless of what helps move you towards that next thing you’ll be doing, you’re you…and you should love yourself.  first and foremost. and never fall out.

i love myself so much that instead of going out, i’m staying in on a friday night to drink vino and party it up with gatsby on my nook. whatever your weekend holds for you…fall in love a little…with yourself first.

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photo credit: the interwebs

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