episode fourteen

“there is no peace when the pieces are broken…”

or is there?  have you ever felt like you’re walking around as an unsolved puzzle…all these broken pieces that are trying to find their place?  there is strategy used by the jigsaw experts out there who make all the pieces of a beautifully painted puzzle work and yet, life does not come with a manual that tells us which path to walk down, what pieces go where or which other puzzles out there we would fit in.  we have to solve all that and strategize on our own.  there are many things that have broken up my pieces these past 27 years of my life and although i have been able to stitch some of them back together with time…there still seem to be an awful lot that are cracked and broken…looking for a place to fit.

the universe is a beauty, but man does she have a twisted sense of humor.  just when you finally stop thinking about one of the pieces from your past that broke you, just when you’re finally able to listen to that song that always reminds you of them all the way through without crying, as you start to let someone new have a little corner of one of your pieces, your past comes a calling.  whether it’s a busy tone, an unanswered text, a clear message saying that you can just be friends…it’s still there.  pulling you back in and making you question the answers you thought you had figured out.  don’t worry, i fully understand and believe that more often than not, when your past calls, it usually doesn’t have anything new to say.  it’ll be the same ending to that story as it always was…even if it changes for a little while.  sometimes, things happen for a reason and even if you don’t know what they are…somehow light is shed and over time, you understand why they came back and occasionally they are meant to stay…and sometimes not.  some may never fully mend and will always be cracked or completely broken and the person you gave that part of your heart to…will always have it.  that’s the hardest kind of break up…the kind that you never feel is completely finished.  it becomes a ghost…the kind that will always haunt you right when you’re finally feeling happy and like you have it together again.  the universe is the sergeant of these ghost soldiers sending them forth to attempt to re-open your war wounds of relationships past.

these days, i’m a bit of a soldier myself.  marching into each and every day armed with a smile and a barricade around my heart. funny thing about guards is that they aren’t always impenetrable.  my heart…despite all it’s cracked fragments that create a crazy map of my life…is still very open and i just can’t help that…it’s who i am and who i’ll always be.  even when it’s still healing…even when the freshest cut isn’t scarred over yet…even when life makes you a little bitter…and maybe even cynical, you can let a little corner piece of your heart be someone’s again.  you can let go of the ghosts of your past and the things you can’t control.  you can realize that you are amazing and if someone in your life doesn’t see that or think you’re worth fighting for…then maybe the new chapters you’re writing don’t need to include them.  as i gear up for the adventure of my lifetime, i’m realizing more and more, that the changes i need to make, that will happen in oz…can start here…in my emerald city.

the truth is, sometimes you can create peace from your broken pieces.  you can be open to fun and allow yourself to tap into your spontaneous nature.  you can let a new person make you smile and laugh and blush and giggle and act annoyingly silly again.  and even though that new someone has the ability to crack the piece you may give them…or even break it completely…it’s worth the risk. because just when you want to hide in your safe haven of protection where nothing but yourself can hurt you, something happens and you’re reminded that life is short…our time here is limited and so very precious.  and as the old adage goes, when life hands you lemons…the better course to take really is to make lemonade…and hope that your new someone has a bottle of vodka to bring to the table.

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photo credit: the interwebs

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