episode fifteen

“if we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives…”

despite a series of unfortunate events, that lemony snicket sure knows some insightful stuff. this statement couldn’t apply to my life more right now.  we all want to embody that attitude of “no limits” “just do it” “why wait” “no regrets” blah blah blah, but it’s easier said than done isn’t it?  we walk (i prefer to twirl…in my glitter covered tutu) along this road called life wishing we could all be a little simpler…be a little less rigid and a lot more spontaneous.  in many aspects of my life, i’m a big talker…there’s a little captain obvious style comedy for my best friends and family members who know me the most, you are welcome.  i’m a tough guy on the outside (occasionally i get away with it), but melted mush on the inside…once you break down the brick and mortar i’ve worked so hard on over the years, bust through the chains and pick the lock, you’ll find it there, my silly, fickle heart.  these days, my big talking feels more authentic, because i’m a doer now…or at least that’s kind of, sort of what my one way ticket to adventure notes…okay, it’s not printed on the ticket confirmation, however, it is a symbol of my awesome and newly exemplified doer-ness.  although my big fat mouth can spit tough talk, i’m not a failure at follow through (well, not completely).  sometimes, i even surprise myself with the action i take on my words.  i guess life can do that to you sometimes.  it can push you further into yourself enough for you to grasp the need for change and embrace the jumping.  and eventually…you stop waiting.

when one makes the decision to stop waiting…you walk away from your old habits…the patterns that bound you to ways that most likely didn’t serve you well or make you feel like the best possible version of yourself.  it’s a funny thing letting those old habits die…boy do they die hard.  occasionally people come into your life to teach you some new ways of doing things and help you let go of your old ways…and your past hurts.  thank you…you know who you are.  you can learn that it’s okay to have someone shower you with attention…that you even kind of like it. you learn that public displays of affection will not kill you, much to your surprise.  you may even learn that going with the flow and living in a weekend of moments is absolutely what you need right now and it doesn’t have to be more than just what it is.  time is of the essence with my personal boundary expansion project and with the launch into my life adventure drawing near… in three months (insert loud, excited scream here)…i am working hard on letting things (and a few people) go.  life is too short to wait right?  and i don’t want to be the girl that waited for the rest of her life…for people or things.  i want to be the girl who LIVED.  like harry potter…only with cool and colorful tattoos and leaving footprints on epic places instead of that lighting bolt scar and dark lord wand battle thing.

there is a deep and profound sense of power in letting things go and choosing to move forward and release yourself from waiting.  i strongly encourage you to grasp your power back once you realize it’s yours for the taking.  it’ll make you feel skinny too!  i have always loved elephants…they are one of my favorite animals in the whole animal kingdom, however, the one i have been carrying on my back for the past 9 months, yes, mine wasn’t a monkey…it was a whole elephant…well, it’s time to shake it off.  in doing so, i feel like i’m weightless enough to fly again. so as we move into this upcoming holiday and celebrate our freedoms, i’ll be drinking a tall glass of gratitude (and taking some patriotic jello shots) for all of the amazing people in my life who have helped me realize how to free myself of old habits, the ones who helped me realize i can’t wait for them any longer and the ones who help me live life to the fullest.  i’m jumping feet first into my life…and if i fall…i’m beginning to feel like i’m strong enough (most days) to catch myself…and if not, there’s always cute tandem instructors who know how to pull the chute and get your feet back safely to the ground.

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photo credit: awesome skydiving photographer who landed in the trees moments after this shot

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