episode eighteen

“it’s all happening…”

1 day and counting folks.  holy crap.  this is really real!  people have been asking me how i’m feeling lately…scared? excited? are you freaking out? yup…ALLLLLLLL that.  but really…aside from the freaking out (which i’ll mostly just express in private…hence the hotel room for my first night in sydney), i am so excited about my adventure finally beginning tomorrow.

after a road trip from seattle to phoenix, i’ve gained some clarity this past week and the heavy bittersweet feelings surrounding leaving have turned into nervous excitement for my near future.  i’ve got my backpack (almost) ready to go, i’ve purchased all the necessities, it’s been a relaxing week of pool bumming it, attending two epic concerts with my dad (the lumineers and john mayer with special guest phillip phillips), getting some logistics handled, i’ve gotten some needed reconciliation accomplished and a lot of inhaling and exhaling will continue to be managed.

the pieces that have fit together for me surrounding this trip, i am convinced, are telling me that i’m really supposed to do this thing.  sometimes…we create dreams that always just remain dreams.  other times, we create dreams that we actually get to live out.  the fact that i am about to live out one of my childhood dreams is pretty surreal, but EXTREMELY awesome. (please excuse me while i do a quick celebratory happy dance).

okay, i’m back.

tomorrow, while i’m getting laundry done and finalizing my packing situation and then relaxing the rest of the day by the pool, i’ll be trying really hard not to think.  like at all.  i’m hoping i can shut my thinking off for a bit and just BE.  i’ll be trying really hard not to contemplate any hesitations or worries i may have surrounding this trip.  i will just listen to my music, read my book, listen to the wind blow and ride the sunbeams for as long as i can before it’s time to go.  saying goodbye to friends and family was emotional.  leaving my city last weekend for the longest drive of my life (so far) was sad.  saying goodbye to my dad tomorrow when he drops me off at the airport will be a tough one…saying goodbye is damn HARD!  it’s not forever.  i know that.  but it’s still hard.  this is my first big launch into flying from the nest and although i’ve embraced and accepted change more gracefully in my old(er) age…when a big one is flying at you after months of thinking about it, talking about it, not really planning for it, it’s intense.

the reason i can overcome the feelings of bittersweet intense freaking out is because of my incredible support system.  the people who are inked on my heart like these tattoos on my skin.  the people who make me stronger, believe in me, love me, make me better…you’re the reason i can do this.  so i’m taking you all with me.  i’ll be thinking of you when i’m doing insane things, when i’m seeing incredible landscapes and wildlife, when i’m feeling lonely and kicking myself for thinking this was a good idea, when i am laughing my ass off at something stupid, when i’m falling in love with a sunburnt country…you’ll be there with me.  from my emerald city to the land of oz…i will miss you all dearly.

stay tuned kids…it’s about to be a crazy ride!

xox

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photo credit: Charlyn Romero

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