dreading d-day…

“there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind…”

life is a roller coaster.  when you’re traveling it seems sometimes that life can feel like being thrown from an airplane at 14,000 feet…which i have done and it was amazing, but at times, feeling out of control and helpless isn’t like the adrenaline rush we strive for.

i have gone from never wanting to leave australia to wanting to come home early to be there for friends who are experiencing natural disaster in our beautiful methow valley, being there for a friend and the person who’s had my heart for a long time as he faces possibly losing his father, trouble he got himself into and feeling lost, having my heart broken by him when rejection slapped me in the face a bit, went back to never wanting to come home again to realizing that i have to face the music and return to the american realities that bite you in the ass.  so although i could absolutely stay here forever, i have to go home.imageadmitting that my dad is right has never been fun…bloody irish stubborn pride…but this time, it was a bit easier to face.  i have to come home and pay off debts…i have to be a grown up for awhile and get some expensive monkeys off my back so that i can go play with monkeys in africa and sail a boat in santorini, greece and hike glacial volcanoes in iceland and do it debt free.  so cheers to you student loans and credit card bully, you win…sort of.  i am coming home three weeks before my australian visa is up…before the officers in bad uniforms were going to have to deport me when i refused to leave this beautiful country i now call my second home.  but i am also coming home about 2 months earlier than i wanted to.  i wanted to treat myself to a solo surf and yoga retreat in bali to prepare myself in mind, body and soul for the journey home.  i wanted to volunteer at an elephant sanctuary in sri lanka to fulfill a dream of having one of my very own since they are my favourite animal on the planet.  reality sucks.  someday i will do those things…someday i will go to all the places i want to go and do all the incredible things i want to do abroad…but, i have to go home now.  after a year that has been the best and hardest of my entire life, i will leave australia as a completely changed person.  the beaches, the ocean, the hills, the wildlife, the rainforest, the mountains, the people, the city streets…they have all helped me grow into myself so much and i will forever be grateful for my time here…i may be coming home, but i am also leaving home.

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time keeps ticking on and now that a departure date is set, it seems to be haunting me.  i am still in the moment of each second of every day, but that dooming day is creeping up and i resent it.  i am on the most beautiful adventure and probably the best part of this entire year and i don’t want to say goodbye.  this lifestyle of road tripping to beaches and national parks, living out of our car and in a tent, cooking meals in the wild, with wild animals lurking…now convoying with the most incredible crew of people i have ever had the chance to have a journey like this with, my heart is heavy with hating the 16th of september.  as my dad said…i am leaving one adventure to go have another one…it’s not the same and it’s going to be really hard to get back to life in the states, away from the serenity i have been privileged to experience here, the people i have grown to fall in love with, but i have gotten pretty damn good at this happiness thing and i am confident that i will create a kick ass adventure in starting a new kind of life back “home”. ‘murica, here i come…

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