collecting lessons…

“and if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones…cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs…setting fire to our insides for fun…”

IMG_1605 in your twenties, i truly believe that you make all of your biggest mistakes and learn the grand lessons that make life better when you hit a fresh decade…or at least i f*ckin hope so…otherwise, i have a lot of whiskey to consume in my thirties…

for most females of my generation, those years struggling through your twenties entail constant moments of solo humiliation, public embarrassment, laughing at your own jokes, giggling with your ladies who understand your stupidity, etc. etc. etc. and likely a string of mr. wrong’s, “ah hell nah’s”, almost prince charming’s, maybe a one that got away, at least two “fool me more than 3 times” guys, the players, the one that you thought could be the one because he had SO much potential, guy.  then amongst the shallow gene pools your stylish Hunter wellies have been wading through over the years, amidst the bar lights that made the ones look better than the reality of daylight, despite the cynicism your exhausted heart has adopted as a shield to go into battle with, if you’re really fortunate, you get the “show you what you deserve” guy…and let me tell you, when you get that guy, there’s no turning back to the old antics you settled on and made excuses for all those years before.

the hardest truth to face once you find one of those guys…the amazing kind that appreciates and adores you…who shows you a new side to relationships and yourself…the guy that ignites a fire inside you that can’t ever die once it’s been lit…is that he’s likely not the one you end up with.  but that’s ok.  really, i assure you…it is.  and really, do any of us end up with just one someone in life? i believe that soul mates come in and out of our lives and they come in many forms.  even if the “this is why it never worked with anyone else” guy isn’t the one that ends all dating for you, he’s a guy worth having and a guy worth holding onto…even if the time you get to hold him is temporary.  why is it still worth it?  because he’s proved them all wrong.  he showed you why your twenties are worth it, but also has shown you why the years to come will be google times better.

these encounters of all kinds will show you trials and tribulations, red flags, channel your inner goddess, make you run a faster mile (or kilometer) when he’s crazy and you must flee, will literally make your heart ice cold and become melted mush, will make you tell yourself that you’re just going to become a bitch…much to your dismay, not to mention everyone who knows you giving that smug smile and the slow head shake, it just won’t suit.  the different types you allow into various chapters of your story will alter you forever…most of them, show you how great you can be…without them.  trust me.

there’s the one who you give your first kiss to, the one who sweeps you off your feet at the high school dance who you have that immature puppy love with and say the three little words (that scare you for the rest of your heart beating life) and think you might even mean it…and for awhile you do…but it’s not your first love.  no, then comes the guy who first broke your heart…ouch, he’s a toughy.  he’s the real first love.  the one you have those other really important firsts with…the first one you see a future with, the one to teach you what bitterness can look like, how cynicism can consume you and what broken feels like.  moving on to the rebound turned relationship guy who you may or may not date off and on for 3 years of college…another rough go of lesson learning…the bonus is you saved on textbooks for this one.  he’s the one who teaches you how to trust yourself, since you can’t trust him…or the white noise around you.  you’ll learn that power can shift when you follow that gut instinct of yours…and it feels good.  likely there will be “should have been just a rebound number two” guy and for 10 months or so, he’ll teach you what passive aggressiveness is, that unhappiness can come in the form of attractive males who come visit you when you’re bartending, showing off their pool skills and fortunately for you…you eventually pick up the cue (pun intended).  he teaches you that as an independent woman, you get chances in life to grab it by the balls and run the other direction and never look back.

then there is the “he has so much potential” guy…the one you fall in love with when you’re finally kind of an adult…when it’s just enough of a big deal that you’ve been in each others lives for over 2 years, he still hasn’t met your family and you don’t have a flashy relationship status on social media.  the one who you believe in and see in the ways he can’t see himself.  he teaches you that almost 5 years can turn into 10 if you don’t stop and realize that nothing will ever change for you two…at least not together.  he teaches you mature love.  the unconditional kind…even though he never gave it back to you…nor will he ever be able to, you learned that to really and truly love another human, is to see past their flaws, believe in their soul and wish them every happiness, even when you’re not a part of it.  he also teaches you forgiveness.

and just when you’re broken into a million pieces…trying to accept the fact that as a person who loves hard and feels with everything she has…that physical pain is something you will just have to learn how to champ through…you meet a beautiful human soul on an epic journey that changes things in you.  and with that change, you’ll learn that nothing is guaranteed.  that the timing isn’t always perfect, but it’s always for a reason.  that life can never and should never be taken for granted.  that just because someone comes into your life and shifts your world a bit, doesn’t mean they can always be there…doesn’t guarantee that it’ll always be the way you had it once before…but the thing to hold onto there, is that some magic happened…even for a short time.

sometimes…in the middle of an ordinary twenty something life…extraordinary things happen…and the good news is, that the vision the universe has for you…is almost always, better than the one you may have created for yourself.

 

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2 thoughts on “collecting lessons…

  1. Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
    Some people move our souls to dance. The awaken us to new understandings with the passing whispers of their wisdom.
    Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our live for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

    from the poster by my front door

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