in good time…

“trust the timing of your life…”

it is amazing to me what time has the power to change.

time…that cheeky little mistress who everyone shoves at you when you’re going through a challenging life thing.  “it’s just going to take time.”  or “time heals all wounds.”  it’s true.  it is.  trust me, i’ve done a lofty decade worth of research on that whole “time” concept and it’s a real thing,  but those words don’t offer you the comfort you need in a moment of distress…no.  time, in those moments, seems like a fickle little bitch that you’d like to slap in the face (hand over the baby powder, please!) but, i’ve learned, doing hard time at the penitentiary called: my twenties, that time is in fact a brilliant beacon for you to grasp onto.  it really does have the power to heal, bring clarity, infect anger and the other intense stages of grief, to bring you through the darkness to the other side where light lives.  time can be trusted…

time does not give you the answers, but she leads you to them…

for me, three weeks was what it took for time to show me the true change i needed to see.  well…three weeks and about 5 1/2 years.  (insert sarcasm emoji here).  it’s easy to attribute life’s little and big happenings to time.  timing is everything, they say.  i say, sometimes.  we can’t always reason that if something doesn’t work out it was due to bad timing.  “it just wasn’t the right time.”  we can’t always reason! what if we look at a heart wrenching situation and instead of pointing blame to timing…we just accept that shit happens?!  life happens.  and sometimes it just really sucks. no semi-colon, no commas.  just period.

after some venting sessions with various supportive persons and some deep soul searching… i have had an epiphany on an important lesson that i believe i was meant to learn this year.  yes, i shall continue in my true cryptic form, much to some of your dismay (sorry not sorry).  regardless of what the situation is, who it involved, etc. the point i am writing for is that life and time happen…often, the reason isn’t clear…sometimes, there is no reason to be found.  life can’t always be perfect…otherwise we would never be grateful for anything. things only hold significance when we choose to give them significance and we get to establish whether that will be positive or negative.  in life, we can choose to react or we can choose to respond.  both have cause and effect, i’ve learned to choose wisely.

sometimes people change…in beautiful ways, in real ways, in all the ways you always believed that they could change.  when that happens, the colossal thing is that they didn’t change for you…they changed for themselves.  that is incredible.  but sometimes when people change, they don’t change in ways for it to work.  a relationship i mean.  sometimes the changes you make individually, as independent humans trying to navigate through life, don’t work cohesively.  maybe the most important life lesson i’ve held onto is that when people tell you they love you…regardless of whatever way they are telling you…believe them.  don’t question it.  do not dare to deny, dissect or devalue that love.  those 3 little words have so much greatness in them…so much power.  when someone gives them to you, accept them.  the gut punch: even if someone loves you, you have to learn that they love you the best way they know how and in time…you’ll find that they may never be able to love you the way you need to be loved.  sometimes…one person’s type of love to give just isn’t enough..for you.  when you learn that, you remember why love is so hard.  and you realize that in good time, there will be something…maybe even someone…that will work with your heart to help keep it ticking away.

time can be an enemy, but also a great friend.  and when she comes to your side…let her stay.  at least long enough for a strong glass of whiskey.

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