frisky business…

“no is a full sentence…” -mk & a olsen

with all that’s transpired in matters of my heart and mind lately, i can’t help but think a tiny bit about my future.  this past year, i’ve mostly been spending time thinking of my future in terms of my next destination…how long will i go away for this time?  will i go solo again or invite a companion?  will i try to work there?  what will i do?  will i continue writing?  am i really wanting to start a new blog and actually monetize it?  am i ready to fully kick my own ass into a writing career?  what in the hell do i even want in this life?  rarely these past few years, have i taken the time to give serious thought to my future in terms of a man, a relationship, “here comes the bride” playing, the color white, a picket fence, crib bars, etc.  what i struggle to decide on is what bar i’ll be heading to come friday…and surely i can’t be the only one my age who is experiencing this lack of commitment to life’s bigger “things”.  right?!  i’m not alone here…right?

in the past two months, my thought process has shifted exponentially.  as i approach the ripe age of 30, keenly aware of and ridiculously ready for the freshness it will surely bring me, i really can’t help but wonder what the hell i’m doing with my life.  i did the whole song and dance, go to college, move to the city, change jobs every couple years thing…dated some good guys, some just ok guys and some bad guys.  and then got my heart strings hooked on that “can’t let go of you” guy.  i’ve lived a year abroad and welcomed all levels of awesomeness that australia could bring me, in human and experience form.  i’ve transitioned into post backpacker life and {temporarily} nested into my hometown which has proven to be a challenge, but not without a heaping plate of new life lessons.  working three jobs all summer, only one of which applies to anything i’m actually interested in spending part of my lifeline and thought process being a part of, was temporary.  as summer heat has evaporated into crisp fall air, i find myself down to one job and running through a maze of questions and i have finally begun assigning answers in all directions and taking some action.

i seriously respect those of you out there who are doing your thing.  who knew you wanted to be a lawyer or a doctor/nurse or a teacher or a stay at home parent or an entrepreneur, from your adorable doe eyed, pigtails years, the awkward brace face, buzz cut seasons and into the sitting in your first university class, meticulously taking notes years.  you’re the cats pajamas in my book.  hmmm pajamas…maybe i can turn wearing pajamas into a career.  no?  not a thing?  ok, moving on…

i’m not trying to downplay my ambition or my dreams at all.  i’ve had them.  i have them.  a lot of them in fact.  and while at university i took the required courses as well as some “interest” courses to try and find what really called me…and i didn’t come out empty minded either.  believe it or not, i went to college initially to be a kindergarten teacher.  something that i’d wanted to be since grade school when i realized i had a queasy thing for blood and needles and my ideas of being a pediatrician were pretty much shot {pun intended}…sadly wasting my 6th grade assignment on an already failed dream.  these dreams i have moved through…they have always seemed in some way or another to involve the opportunity to travel and to work with and for people…in one capacity or another.  for some reason, i haven’t been able to decide on the ONE thing i want to do for a full time career.  maybe that’s just me…the true aquarius woman who just can’t settle on one thing to do for the rest of her life…maybe it’s because my true purpose isn’t being lived out yet and until that happens, i won’t feel fully me in a career.  aside from starting this silly little blog of my musings and to keep people who know me updated on my life and travels, i’ve told myself “no” in a lot of ways.  i’ve limited myself in location, jobs and careers…i’ve said no to things i should have said yes to and said yes to things i should have said no to.  looking back…i still don’t have answers, but i’m getting a lot closer to my “yes”.

in my life, i’ve wanted to be and do a plethora of things and i’ve worn a lot of hats and superhero capes in my process of the twenty something job shuffle.  the last decade has allowed me the room to gain confidence that i can be and do a great many things.  the one thread that seems to have tied all those experiences together, is my voice.  my writing.  it seems to be the one consistent thing i’ve continued holding close to and using as my creative outlet all these years of self discovery.

i started writing at a young age in elementary school…stories i’d invent and illustrate in writer’s workshops that brilliant and influential teachers would then “publish” and promote in various ways.  it continued through a move over the mountains and through the woods, carried on through high school and even into college.  writing for me came in the form of fiction at first…then in high school, after my first real heartbreak, a song was my release.  lyrics were what brought me out of that puppy love pain into closure for the very first time and then i was just hooked.  addicted to the written word, how that form of expression could make me feel…powerful, relevant, strong, intellectual, unique…like a true creative.  even in assigned subjects, i found myself completely enamored with the art of writing.  in writing i had found an outlet for my thoughts and feelings…a way to help define it and make sense of all the chaotic, beautiful messiness that is life in every one of my stages of growth.

so i ask you, my few lovely readers, for your honesty and when i say honesty i mean constructive criticism only, please.  tell me the things that you want to read about.  tell me your hopes and your fears at “our” age or any age.  tell me what you want advice on.  tell me your struggles and your triumphs.  tell me what you are curious for…in a lifestyle blog from someone who finally wants to take this writing thing out of just the passion realm, but into the more professional world. tell me your thoughts and insights in the comments below!  xx

i’m feeling frisky.  a bit ambitious and empowered…to be the business woman i know i can be, to expand my talents and passions into something that my soul and my bank account can survive on.  in life i’ve learned that “no” is one of the most powerful answers you can allow yourself to give to a multitude of questions.  i’ve also learned that in a world of “no”…you have to be the woman strong enough to tell yourself “hell yes”…so here goes.

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photo cred: pinterest

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3 thoughts on “frisky business…

  1. What about turning the lens outward…and combining your love of writing with another of your talents: photography (and, possibly even travel). You follow humansofny on insta, right? What about something like that? I can’t get enough of it…the awe inspiring, heartbreaking, quirky, funny, and tragic stories of the myriad of personalities in this world. I love the way the words cause you to go back and look at the pictures more closely. I love the brevity; the feeling of longing and wanting to know more than the few tantalizing sentences that are carefully and sometimes shockingly presented. Mostly I love that it is real, like your writing – very genuine. I’m sure you could find some way to put your own spin on the whole thing! XOXO G.

    • that’s truly the dream! i’m hoping to be able to combine all my creative outlets to express myself and my art. i love HONY. his whole concept is brilliant. the raw human nature he embraces and celebrates in each photo, in every story is something that has become so timeless and so relevant. i have ideas…and would love to eventually share them, if for nothing else, but to do just that…share the stories, be relevant, maintain that gentleness that comes with telling someone’s story…remaining genuine and soft in a world that’s constantly pushing us to be surface and hardened. i would love to be able to create a movement like that. thanks for the never ending support G! xx

  2. Pingback: Highlight Reel… | little talks //

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